Help! My Dad's Gone Gaga!

Recently, my dad informed me that he's been watching music videos of - would you believe? - Lady Gaga.  You're probably saying, "Big deal, Mike, everyone's seen her videos!"  But what you have to understand is that this is highly uncharacteristic of my dad, because he is one of the biggest homophobes I know.  Up to this point, he seemed to have minimal tolerance for people of the male gender doing anything remotely effeminate.  I mean, this is a guy who once called his own son a certain three-letter 'F' word just because he used a washcloth in the shower; who once called my soundtrack from Les Mis "dandy* music"; who seemed to think everyone in LOTR was gay just because Sir Ian McKellen is gay; who even found ways to insert gay references into Yu-Gi-Oh (then again, they kinda set themselves up for it with the Flame Swordsman) and other cartoons that were beyond his understanding, verbally reeanacting scenes in which the male characters dress in French maid outfits while my sister and I were trying to watch TV.  In fact, I used to joke that one of the first two things I'd do when I went off to college would be to buy a pink shirt, just 'cuz I knew it would tick him off.  (For the record, the other thing was to shave my head completely bald, though I have yet to do either as of this writing.) 

Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating about my dad's apparent homophobia.  I say this because I've seen him watching such shows as Tim Gunn's Guide to Fashion (meanwhile criticizing my mom for watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy).  He also seems to have a strange - well, at least for a male from his generation - obsession with P!nk, because I've caught him on several occaisions watching her music videos on YouTube over and over (the most recent being "Please Don't Leave Me"). 

Now, I'm not trying to criticize my dad's tastes in music, because I listen to Lady Gaga and Rihanna all the time when I work out.  What I'm trying to say is that I'm having a little trouble reconciling these two conflicting sides of my dad's personality.  I think the whole Marlboro Man facade comes from the way he was raised as a kid.  I still remember his impression of my pap the time he saw the earring on my aunt's boyfriend ("Aw, for Chri'sakes, what are ya, a friggin' pirate?")  But times have changed, and people as a whole are much more tolerant when it comes to issues of gender and orientation (cf. "Boy Bands", 30 May 2010), and my dad is no exception.  He's found that he's free to listen to whatever music he wants without the stigma of being labeled effeminate, and I like to think it's the start of my dad becoming a much more tolerant person. 

B-)


* For those of you not familiar with certain dialect, "dandy" is a slang term used to describe something seen as effeminate, in the same disparaging way that words such as "sissy", "gay", or "queer" have been used these days.  My dad's the only one I've ever heard use the term, though, so I don't really know where it comes from. 

Real Men of Genius

Today, we salute you, Mr. Watch-Full-Episodes-Online Inventor...

One of the things I love about the internet is the ability to watch full episodes of my favorite TV shows whenever I want, with very few commercials.  In the old days, if you weren't around when your favorite show was on TV, you had to put a VHS tape in your VCR and try to figure out how to program the thing to record the show.  These days, there's TiVo, which I'm sure has its advantages (I myself don't have one), but you still have to program it to record your shows. 

But thanks to online episodes, I no longer have to worry about missing an episode of Flashpoint or The Office, because I can just go on the show's website and watch them later.  I don't have to wait several months for the season to come out on DVD.  It gives me more freedom to do what I want.  For example, last Friday evening, my folks wanted to watch a movie, though it was going to be overlapping the same time that Flashpoint was on.  Had that been a few years ago, I would have found myself going to another room to watch TV, but instead, I was able to enjoy some quality time with my parents that evening and watch the episode of Flashpoint that I missed over the weekend. 

The ability to watch TV episodes online also enables me to have more of a social life.  In years past, I would never go anywhere on Friday nights, because that was when my two favorite shows - Numb3rs and Flashpoint - were on.  But now, since I can watch them on my own time, I can spend my Friday nights however I want.  For example, just a few weeks ago, some friends of mine invited me to hang out with them on a Friday night.  Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I could say yes without any hesitation, and I watched Flashpoint after I got home that night.  I wouldn't have been able to do that a few years ago.  And if you're trying to get a date, you'll have a greater chance of success if you ask a girl if she has a free night during the weekend than you would if you ask her for a specific night.  (Disclaimer: For me, this has only worked in theory so far.) 

Finally, if you have two favorite shows that happen to be on at the same time, you don't have to rack your brain trying to decide which one to watch.  This fall, CBS is moving The Big Bang Theory to Thursday nights, in the same time slot that Community is scheduled to air on NBC.  CBS is trying to better compete with NBC, but thanks to the internet, it no longer has to, and I don't have to be T.O.'d at CBS for it. 

Of course, there's some downsides to it - not all shows are available online (e.g., Miami Medical), and most episodes are only available for a limited time after their original air date, but overall, I love being able to watch my favorite shows online whenever I want, free of charge.  It really makes my life a lot easier. 

B-)

The King Is Dead...

... well, at least, to the people of Cleveland.  As you all know, unless you've been living under a rock for the past week, LeBron James announced in an hour-long TV special the other night that he's leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to join the Miami Heat.  I thought I'd weigh in on the matter like everyone else is doing, especially since I know next to nothing about professional basketball.  Quite honestly, I'm not sure what to think about the situation.  I've been somewhat of a fan of the Heat since Shaquille O'Neal joined the team in 2004, though I'm not as die-hard of a fan as I am of the Steelers and Penguins, and like I already said, I don't really follow the NBA all that much.  Initially, I was excited that my favorite team got another All-Star to go along with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosch. 

But after hearing about LeBron's motives for going to Miami - because he wanted to play for the team that would give him the best chance to win a championship - I can't help but feel sorry for all of those fans in Cleveland.  They have every right to feel betrayed.  As a die-hard Penguins fan, I know how it feels.  In 2008, just weeks after we lost in the Stanley Cup final, Marian Hossa stabbed us in the back by signing with the Red Wings, the very team that beat us, claiming that they would give him the better chance to win the Stanley Cup.  I've always held the belief that a team should win because a good player helped them to do so, not the other way around.  The Cavs pretty much built their team around LeBron, but now that he's gone, what are they supposed to do now? 

As for whether or not the Heat will actually win a championship with LeBron, that remains to be seen.  From what I've heard about him in recent years, he doesn't really seem to be that much of a team player.  I certainly agree with Cavs owner Dan Gilbert's assessment of LeBron as "conceited."  I mean, c'mon, did he really have to have an entire TV special just to announce his decision?  On paper, the Heat look like the team to beat next season.  But more often than not, when you try to put multiple big-name players on the same team, any semblance of team chemistry flies completely out the window as the players compete with one another for their share of the spotlight, and before you know it, the team's whole season goes down the sewer.  Does the name Terrell Owens ring any bells here? 

So come basketball season, I'll still be rooting for the Heat with what minimal enthusiasm I have for the sport, but I'm certainly not prepared to bet the house on them winning a championship anytime soon.  Given LeBron's reputation in recent years, I have this sinking feeling that he's just not going to mesh well with the other Miami players. 

B-)

God Bless America!

Just a few random thoughts on patriotic music:

- Why is the song that begins, "My country, 'tis of thee..." entitled "America", when the word "America" is mentioned nowhere in the song?  It only makes it easy to confuse that song with "America the Beautiful." 

- If you're going to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner", please, for the love of God, sing it right!  I just hate it when singers try to embellish the national anthem by adding and/or changing notes.  It's an epidemic that, sadly, has plagued almost every sporting event that I watch on TV these days.  It especially irks me when they jump a complete octave on the last two notes of "that our flag was still there."  If those notes aren't in your vocal range, then you have no business singing the national anthem in public.  And for God's sakes, make sure you know the words!  I remember this one guy who sang it "for the land of the free."  It's "o'er" - the contraction for "over"!  If you want to embellish other patriotic songs, that's perfectly fine with me.  But when it comes to the national anthem, like the Snickers commercial says, don't be a diva.  It sounds more sincere when it's sung the way that it was written. 

- And don't even get me started on that Spanish-language version of "The Star-Spangled Banner"!  In translating it, they completed butchered the meaning of the song!  This is America!  We speak English! 

- Finally, while we're on the subject of national anthems, I think that "God Bless America" or even "America the Beautiful" would be more fitting for our national anthem than "The Star-Spangled Banner."  A national anthem should be about its country, not just its flag.  I know, atheists are going to cry foul about the explicit mentions of God in the former two songs, but if you look at the second verse of "The Star-Spangled Banner" (OMG, there's a second verse?  Yeah - there were four, actually!), you'll find the line "And this be our motto: 'In God is our trust'".  That sounds a lot more like forcing religion upon everyone than the other two songs do; they're just asking for blessings upon the country from whatever higher power each of us believes in.  More importantly, though, "God Bless America" is a heck of a lot easier to sing than "The Star-Spangled Banner".  The latter of these songs goes really far up and down the musical octaves, making it very difficult for anyone with a normal vocal range to sing it.  Maybe is has to do with the fact that it was written to the tune of a drinking song.  That's right - a drinking song!  Is this really how we want others to see our country - that we're such a bunch of drunken idiots that we made a drinking song the tune of our national anthem?  Not to mention, I don't even know if the tune was composed in America - correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing it was written in Britain or Ireland or somewhere overseas.  "God Bless America", on the other hand, I know for a fact was both written and composed by an American, Irving Berlin.  Our national anthem should be "God Bless America" because it was completely made in America, describes our beloved country so eloquently, and most importantly, is easy to sing. 

- You are, of course, free to disagree with me and tell me what you think.  This is, after all, a free country, which is the very reason that we're celebrating Independence Day today.  I hope all of you out there in Reader Land, from the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam, have a happy and safe 4th of July!  Let freedom ring, and of course, God Bless America! 
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Job Hunting

I've just about had it with my mom telling me for the umpteenth time this week to keep looking for a summer job.  For those of you who haven't been following MikeSpace as much as you should, I've applied to a forkton of different places for summer employment, but got only one interview and nothing more.  I keep telling her that at this point in time, it's completely and totally pointless for me to waste my time and energy filling out job applications - don't get me started on how much of a pain in the ass most of them are to fill out! - when I'm leaving for Clemson in a little more than a month. 

First of all, it usually takes a week, at minimum, to even process my application.  The last non-research summer job I had, which was in a grocery warehouse three years ago, kept me in limbo for almost a month, because they actually had to call all of my references, one of whom was always at work when they called and finally just had her sister vouch for me.  Then I had to go get a physical and a drug test, so it was almost a month before I actually started working.  Granted, that was kind of an anomaly, since it was the first job I ever had, but it would still take some time before I'd be able to start at a summer job - time that I really don't have at this point. 

Secondly, think about it from the point of a potential employer.  I highly doubt that any self-respecting business would want to waste valuable time and resources training a new employee when he's only going to be around for a month at most.  I worked for three months at my last job, and it was obvious that they didn't think it was worth it to give me any more than a one-day walkthrough of what I was supposed to do.  If they don't think a three-month employee is worth training, how much less worth someone's time is it to train an employee who's going to be there for only one month? 

And even if, by some miraculous act of God, I did get a job, I'd have no way to get there, because I don't have a car.  When I was working three years ago, my dad was still unemployed, so he let me borrow his truck to get to work, but only after a good deal of persuasion (he can be quite a stubborn prick sometimes!)  But now that both of my parents have jobs, I'm pretty much SOL as far as vehicles are concerned.  I thought my dad was just being a prick again when he brought the matter up this summer, but I realize now that, as much as it kills me to admit it, he was right.  I'd have to gamble on the chance that one of my co-workers lived somewhere near me and would be willing to give me a ride.  Plus, whatever little money I earned from my minimal time on the job would probably be frittered away on gas and taxes. 

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to make a little bit of money this summer.  But given my situation and the reality thereof, I just don't think it's worth the aggravation to even apply for jobs anymore, and I wish my mom would just take off her rose-tinted glasses for once and stop bothering me about it! 

B-)