Star Struck

Okay, so this evening I was about to go on MikeSpace to either post my predictions for this weekend's NFL Divisional Playoffs and / or finish the post on the 2010 Douchebag Awards that I started last night, but I made the mistake of checking my Facebook news feed first.  There were a lot of seemingly incomprehensible posts from my female "friends" that said stuff like "OMG, I can't be a Sagittarius.  I'm a Capricorn", or "Ophiuchus?  I thought I was a Libra", or other things to that extent.  At first I thought it was just people quoting something from some popular TV show that I don't watch (these days, I pretty much watch only football games and Jeopardy), until I scrolled down a little further and finally found a link explaining what all the fuss was about.  Apparently, a bunch of astronomers made some observations and discovered that in the two thousand years since the currently used system of horoscopes was first invented, the Earth's orbit has realigned in such a way that its position relative to the constellations of the zodiac has shifted, thus rendering the timetable for each sign out of date.  Which means that many people who were one sign are now a different sign according to the newly adjusted system of dates.  In my case, since my birthday is December 31 (again, thanks to all of you who actually remembered!), I was once a Capricorn but am now a Sagittarius.  They even added a thirteenth sign called Ophiuchus, because the ancients had shortened the original zodiac to twelve for convenience.  Ophiuchus?  Sounds like some kinda contagious disease to me - "Doctor!  He's got a buildup of Ophiuchus in his anterior sinuses!"  "Oh, no!  Nurse! Give me 50 cc's of glutinous saline, stat!" 

Needless to say, a lot of people are freaking out about their new signs.  But to me, it's all just a whoppin' big pile of bull shizz.  To sum up my opinion, allow me to quote the following dialogue from the pilot of The Big Bang Theory:

Penny:  I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you a lot more about me than you need to know... 
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality. 

What I'm trying to say is, I've never really taken horoscopes seriously before, so why would I now?    I certainly don't believe that people with the same sign have similar personalities.  According to this new system, I'm now the same sign as my sister, and while I admit that there are a few similarities between us, and we both got along better growing up than most siblings do, there are a lot more differences between us.  She's more into the arts and literature, and I'm more into math and science, and I gotta say that if I had even half as good a work ethic as she does, I could probably win a Nobel Prize.  (No ego!)

I also find illogical the possibility that everyone who was born during the same set of days in the year - i.e., one-twelfth of the world's entire population - will have the same things happen to them during the course of a day.  I'm not even gonna get into the various theories in physics about causality and random chance in the universe.  I'm just gonna leave it at this - horoscopes are about as good at predicting the future as are fortune cookies, tarot cards, magic eight-balls, or even those fun little apps that used to be so popular on Facebook like "How Many Kids Will You Have?" or "When Will You Die?"  Yeah, sometimes it's amusing to read those kinds of things, but you just can't take them seriously.  And even if you're a female who owns a lot of horoscope-themed clothing or jewelry, there's certainly no need to freak out about switching signs.  It's not the end of the world - well, at least, not for another year!

Just joking, of course!  Stay frosty, y'all!

B-)